THE STORY OF MY LIFE

When I was 8 years old, I was found on the bank of the Yukon river. I had no idea how I got there. An old woman found me, put me in the shopping cart she used for hauling around every item she owned, and took me the nearest police station. Unfortunately, she passed out on the 12 mile trip and I had to push the basket the rest of the way. Once I escaped the hobos and found my way to the police station, I told them about the old woman who had passed out a few miles away. The paramedics immediately rushed to the scene. She was dehydrated and undernourished but she would make a full recovery, they said. They took her to the hospital. In the meantime, they asked me who I was. I told them I didn't know, that the old woman was the only thing I could remember. Later I heard them discussing the fact that I was only wearing zebra pajamas and one blue sock. I was wondering about that myself but they had no answers for me.

I was placed in a foster home with two other kids. One of them was in a wheelchair and played computer games all day. He was awkward and loud. His name was Randy and he was 12. The other kid was a 3 year old girl named Isabella, she was from New Mexico. Randy told me her parents had disappeared in the woods and that Bigfoot most likely killed them with a tank abandoned after the Civil War. Our foster mom, Connie, told me Randy likes to make up stories. Randy got mad when I beat King's Quest before he did. Randy got mad a lot.

I had been at the foster home with Connie, Randy, and Isabella for 3 weeks. One day a policeman came to the house with some news about the old woman. Though she had initially made a strong bounce back from her collapse on the street that fateful day, she had recently developed pneumonia. They didn't expect her to live. The policeman told me he was very sorry and asked if I wanted to visit her at the hospital. I said yes.

The old woman was asleep in her hospital bed. She had a bunch of tubes coming out of her nose and her breathing sounded wheezy. I didn't know what to do so I sat down in an uncomfortable chair near the bed while the nurse told me she'd fetch me a cup of juice. I looked around and saw a lot of machines and caught a glimpse of gray haired talk show host on the muted TV. I saw Connie standing outside the door, talking to the nurse. Then I heard a noise. I turned suddenly to see the old woman, her eyes wide, staring at me. Her hands and arms were tensed up and she looked strained. She wasn't trying to speak. I didn't know what else to do so I offered her my cup of juice. Her shaky hand reached for it and grasped the cup. Then, with force I didn't think a woman in her condition would be capable of, slung it across my shirt. I wiped the juice off my chin and said, "What did you do that for?" She struggled for a moment, the cup held loosely in her hand, and then caught a breath. Her mouth opened and she said, "I hate kids and I hate orange juice!"

When I first came to the Connie's house, Randy had told me the old woman who found me was a murderous gypsy and that she had intended to sell me to an insurance salesman whose wife couldn't have babies. Randy made a special point of telling me I was worth about $3,000, which he said was a lot for an insurance salesman to spend on a kid. I had told Randy he was a big liar and also that he was terrible at Tetris, which really made him mad. With orange juice soaking into my shirt, I wondered if Randy had been right all this time.