AYE AYE AYE AND SO FORTH

Today I discovered a swarm of winged termites on my back patio. While trying to come to my senses about the situation (and get my grossed-out-ness under control), I used a JCPenney Sale catalog to whack the few of them that had gotten inside and then doused the patio in the only bug spray I could find in the house (the label said it was for a variety of "Kitchen Insects"). They all pretty much died right away, much to my delight. A few resilient ones were still floundering around hours later. I looked forward to when they would die and nothing would be moving on that ground. NOTHING.

Fast foward. I went into my bathroom to take a shower and notice two (unwinged) termites perusing my sink basin. I promptly rinsed them away, as I do with any black, wormy thing I find in a sink. Unfortunately at that point I realized the sign of two termites in my sink only meant one thing: there are termites in the shower. I brazenly open the shower door. TERMITES EVERYWHERE. I retrieve the bug spray (for a variety of "Kitchen Insects," which apparently includes termites--I guess that stuff is good for almost any bug) and expulse a considerable amount of pesticide into my shower stall. Flounder, flail, fumble. Tumbling termites, onto the tile. NASTY, VILE LITTLE CREATURES. I hope they all die. We're definitely going to be calling Terminex.

IN OTHER NEWS!!!!!!!!!

I absolutely, crazily adore eggs. I have a fearless devotion to fried eggs in particular (I also like hard-boiled, and so forth). The only eggs I'm not fond of are scrambled eggs since I got sick of those sometime last year and now I can't seem to force them down my throat. (Unless of course they're the kind of scrambled eggs from a place like IHOP, where they cook them in obscene amounts of butter.) So tonight while again watching V For Vendetta, I thought, "Dang, I wonder how they cook that egg/toast thing." Even though (give me some credit, people), I kind of already figured how it was done since I've seen it before. So by the time we came back to the house and I was ready for a snack, I was busting out the oatmeal bread and the Eggland's Best (they really are!) Eggs. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME THE EGG YOLK BROKE BECAUSE IT GOT ALL HARD TO HANDLE WHEN I FLIPPED IT (NOT UNUSUAL, GIVE ME SOME CREDIT!!). So I cooked another one and that time I cut a hole in the bread, like the Internet suggested I do. Only I kind of improvised the cooking part, even though it came out fine. NOT ONLY DID IT COME OUT FINE, IT CAME OUT DELICIOUS. I'm going to make this exact same thing for breakfast in the morning, maybe even for my parents too (yes, I do that). I love breakfast. Breakfast is like the best thing ever invented. Breakfast is pure, unadulterated comfort. Eggs, toast, fruit, tea, coffee, whatever. BREAKFAST IS SOLID GOLD.

That's all. Oh, and this: