"THESE ARE BUT WILD AND WHIRLING WORDS, MY LORD." -SHAKESPEARE (HAMLET)

If you were a millionaire, would you rather be stabbed in the back with a paperknife or found dead without a mark on you, staring with blank eyes at some appalling sight?

From Best Seller (1933) by P.G. Wodehouse


The brilliance of P.G. Wodehouse lies in the fact that he was well before his time. If you haven't read his work, you are missing out on some of the most amusing fiction on the shelves. I was reminded of his collection on my own shelf when I dug out this quote book I've had since I was 17.

This was an important time in my personal development. I had already spent millions of evenings listening to mysterious songs on repeat while writing my deep thoughts into some journal or poem. To supplement my personal literary volumes, I turned to quotes from all sorts of thinkers--Shakespeare to Arisopholes to Emo Phillips (obviously Emo Phillips has been my favorite of the three). I took the time to "draw" my favorite quotes inside the covers of my various journals.

You might be asking yourself, "Why is she showing me this?" If you aren't, know that I am asking myself that question only in relation to me! I'm sure my sentimentality is all too fascinating to most people. Truth be told, I haven't gotten my journals out in a very long time, much less remembered them. It's like the Tracy 2000™ hard drive crash with complete data loss! But at least I've got a backup.

When writing poetry, sometimes I would doodle horrible pictures of people and eyeballs.

Sorry, the eyeballs are off limits! I'M NOT READY FOR THAT KIND OF SELF-DISCLOSURE.

Anyway, back to the quote book.

Best. Quote book. Ever. But good luck getting your paws on it, sherlock! As far as I've been able to research it online, it is out of print. I looked on Amazon and the site seemed to have an interesting idea of what pertains to the search for this book.

Imagine not only my shock when I found an ERNEST DVD collection linked to the Oxford Dictionary of Quotes (the Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations didn't even register on their site) but also my discovery that that the reviewers didn't even get THAT product right! Way to fail America, Amazon!

Now those Oxford geniuses will be receiving safari education via Ernest Goes to Africa and philosophical lessons from Ernest in Your World As I See It. And all the die-hard Ernest fans will be buying the DVD to build up Ernest's ranking from the pitiful 1-star courtesy of the miscredited review only to discover they've received some research program by a company called iFinger! Way to fail completely, Internet!

Conclusion: the Oxford publishing house has a lot of quote books but I'm sure they can't even touch the gold that my book contains. I mean, come on, their readers can't even review the right products! I know, I know, Amazon played a part in this whole fiasco. Wordsworth would have never let this happen!

In other news, my Russian BFF, Vusala, had sent some chocolate back for me in April. Due to bizarre schedule problems I JUST NOW got this chocolate. Also, the man who brought it back for me gave some of it away because he thought my lack of email response indicated I didn't want them. Because in this world people ALWAYS get their emails!

So now I have 5 bars of chocolate. Good thing I like nuts, Vusala, since every bar is jam-packed with them! Most Americans would balk at not receiving a plain milk chocolate bar but oh no, not me! I am completely content with what I received.

The only downside is that I stupidly damaged the first bar's wrapping. I'm sure I'll find a way to salvage it, even if that means melting down the rest of the bar and sucking the chocolate out with a straw. Oh wait. Nuts.


P.S. I think I'd rather be stabbed in the back with the paperknife.